


Tears of sunshine

by Dimplesonfire



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Depressed Harry, Depressed Louis, Fluff, Hospital, Sassy Louis, Self Harm, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-11
Updated: 2013-11-11
Packaged: 2018-01-01 04:44:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1040476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dimplesonfire/pseuds/Dimplesonfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU Where Harry is a gifted 16 years old student, suffering of depression and Louis is a 19 years old boyband member who can't stand fame anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tears of sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if it is not well written but english is not my main language.  
> Please let me know if you like it or if you see mistakes (there are probably a lot).
> 
> whatwassupposedtobe.tumblr il follow back :)

Harry was bored. He was always bored and as long as he can remember, he had always been. At school he was bored, at home he was bored, in his bed he was bored, on internet he was bored, with his family he was bored… Harry was constantly bored and he knew it would always be the case. So when he got back from school, instead of doing his homework or sit in from of the TV, harry would leave his school bag in the corridor, take a warmer coat and go back outside. Harry would walk during hours, not even looking at the landscape , sometime he would listen to music, Chopin or Haydn, Bach, Tchaikovsky, Brahms, so he couldn’t hear the sound of the street, and be able to not think about anything. He would walk until the sun went down, the moon raised up, just looking at his feet, counting steps, focus on the feeling of the ground against the sole of his shoes. Sometimes, Harry’s mother would call his cell phone, asking when he would be back and he would turn around and go home, taking the same streets, but the other way. Then, at home, he would pick up his backpack on the floor, throw it on the ground of his room and head back to the kitchen where he would eat dinner with his family or alone, depending of the time. After that, he would take a shower, maybe read a book his dad left for him and then sleep until the next morning. Harry had no trouble waking up but he didn’t care about being tired because he had to go to school anyways, tired or not and he didn’t see the point of missing out school since he didn't have anything more interesting to do. Not that school was particularly interesting, not even a little actually but Harry had accepted that it was his fate, he had to go in class, it was his role as a teenager to listen to old men and women trying to teach something to the barely evolved apes who were his class mates. Harry didn’t listen really, everything he could hear was boring and he didn’t care about it anyway. Then, he would eat his lunch alone, sitting on one of the wooden bench in the park next to the school and head back to afternoon classes. After that, he would drive home, leave his bad in the corridor and go for his walk. Every day the same routine. 

At 17 years old, Harry had never hold a hand that wasn’t his mom’s, and even that was years ago. Hence, he had never kissed or had sex. Harry had no interest in this kind of things. Harry had no interest in girls, or boys for that matter of fact. Girls were only interested in make-up, thigh gaps, boybands, actors, and even if they tried to hide it, in sex. Boys were only interested in getting high, getting drunk and of course getting laid. So Harry had no friends either. The only person who could find mercy in harry’s mind was Benjamin, his uncle. Benjamin was Anne’s younger brother, and when harry was born, Benjamin was only 10. As soon as Harry had been able to talk, Benjamin had been his best friend. At 3, harry could only look up to Benjamin who was already 13 but harry was bright, and very soon, they found out they were very similar. Both of them were gifted with very high IQ but with it had come depression and a little bit of autism. None of them had friends, none of them were understood by their family but together, they felt like someone knew what they were going through. They would see eachother once a year or even less, but even growing, they always would be as close, and each time would be like a breath in their own empty lives. Harry’s parents didn’t like Benjamin, even if he was his mom’s brother. Benjamin was considered like a looser. He had fail at life, never finishing school, working only to be able to buy drugs and alcohol. Nobody knew if Benjamin ever had a girlfriend. Only harry knew. He knew Benjamin was like him, he knew Benjamin didn’t care about love, about girls or boys, about sex. But Benjamin was an addict and drugs cost money and the easiest way to make money was to please other people. Benjamin had no self esteem, he didn’t care about pain or disrespect, he only wanted drugs. Harry knew Benjmain was only taking them to forget how his life was boring, how everything was boring and how nothing would ever make life brighter or worth to be lived. Benjamin didn’t care about anyone but harry, just like harry didn’t care about anyone but Benjamin. They were more than brothers. They were each other’s only thing that made themselves brave enough to live. 

It had been four years since harry last saw Benjamin and every day since had been worse than the others. But it would soon be the end of this deadly boredom. On November the 8th. It would be today, the last day of this cursed life. 

Harry was driving home, in his sister’s old car. On the radio, was playing “la dame aux camellia” by Chopin. Harry parked in front of the house. He opened the door and like usual, he left his bag in the corridor. But today, instead of heading back outside, harry pulled out his shoes and his coat. He went to each room of the house to be sure nobody was home even if he knew it would be the case. His mom was at some kind of reading club with her friends and his dad was playing golf with a Japanese guy from his homologue firm in Japan. His sister was at uni and she wouldn’t get back until two days. Harry had the house for himself. He went to the bathroom and made hot water running into the bath tub. He went to his room and took a wooden box from under the bed. 

Harry had planed The End for months. No, for years. He had originally planned it with Benjamin. The first time the idea had come up to them, harry was 13 and Benjamin 23. They were drinking vodka and had taken a pill of something harry didn’t know the name, but he remembered the heavy weight of boredom in his mind had been slightly reduced. They had decided that the day right between Benjamin’s 27th birthday and Harry’s 18th would be the day of The End. The End of the pain that had been their lives. Harry had wanted to do it at the moment but Benjamin had said no. He wanted harry to make sure it was what he wanted. Benjamin had hoped that Harry would get out of the prison himself had not been able to escape. He hoped Harry would have a normal life maybe and he wanted him to remember one day this moment and be thankful he had not done it because he would’ve missed a lot. But that never happened. Every year, harry was more desperate for The Day to come and Benjamin had been close to give in many times but he each time he remembered Harry’s life could still change. One day, though, on the 7th of november, Harry had received a voice message from Benjamin, it only said “I won’t be able to, but please, wait.”The next day, Anne’s Older sister had called, saying Benjamin was dead, killed by an overdose of cocaine. Harry had not been surprised or sad. He had been angry. Angry at Benjamin who couldn’t wait for him, Benjamin who had let him down, who had let him on his own. But he had waited, like Benjamin had asked him, because he knew it counted for the older boy. Yet, today was the day. Today was the 8th of November and harry was ready to end the pain that had lasted almost 18 years. 

Back in the bathroom he undressed himself, folding his clothes on the floor. He opened the wooden box and took a tube of pills. The painkillers one. He swallowed a bunch of them, then he took a few of the sleeping kind. He put the tubes back and took a razor blade. He took a deep breath and ran his finger on his head, almost shaved. He sat down in the bath tub, smiling. The End. He had waited for this moment for so long. He already felt the effect of the pills he had took. Slowly he ran the razor blade on his wrist, back and forth, getting deeper each time. When he started to bleed profusely, he did the same to the other wrist. At one moment, he dropped the razor blade in the water. The blood running out of his body and the sleeping pills had made him too weak to look for it. Slowly he fell unconscious. 

“finally” 

*he is walking. He can’t see anything through the darkness. But it’s restful. His eyes are closed. He is walking. Something is behind him. He turns his head to seen what it is. It’s a light. It’s tiny but he fells it’s getting closer. So he walks faster into the darkness. The light is closer. He can feel it. It’ right behind him. He close his eyes so he wont see it. He starts to run to escape the light. He doesn’t want the lIght to reach him. No. No ! NO ! NO!!! He runs faster. He’s out of breath but he feels the light strating to swallow him. It’s burning. He falls. The light is on him. He curls up on the floor and squeeze his eyes shut. He can fell the light behind his eyelids. He places his hands in front of his eyes. Maybe the light will leave if he refused to see it. If he doesn’t move. But the light is too bright. He quickly open one eye. He regrets it as soon as his eye his shut again. The light ends swallowing him. There is no darkness anymore. Only light. He hates light. He can’t escape.* 

Harry squeezed the sheets in his hands, next to his face. “no. no… no…”. tears were running down his face. He stayed like this, in this fetus position for a long time, trying to go back to the dark place. To escape the overwhelming light. 

He realized he needed to go to the bathroom and as much as he wanted to not move, in case the darkness would come back, he had to open his eyes. So, slowly he let the light come under his eyelids, blinking to adjust his eyes to the new clarity. 

The room he was in was almost completely white. A large window was open, covered of thin white curtains, dancing in the light wind. Outside, he could hear the birds whistling and the trees moving. Next to the window, there were a small table and a chair. On the table, there was a flower pot full of wildflowers. Next to his bed, harry was attached by translucent tubes to a perfusion pole. Harry looked at himself. He was wearing soft white pajamas and his hands and wrist were covered of clean bandages. He tried to get up. His entire body was sore, his legs heavy and aching like he had not moved in days. He tried to stretch a little but his shoulders, neck, knees and every bone of his body seemed to be painful. The need to go to the toilets became stronger so Harry decided to get up quickly, holding the perfusion bar. First he thought he would fall but he managed to stay on his feet. Slowly he took one step, then another and another until he finally reached the door, out of breath. He leaned against the wall, eyes closed, tears running down his cheeks. After a long minute he turned back to the door and opened it. The corridor behind was empty. 

Supported by the rolling transfusion pole, Harry made slowly his way to the reception whose direction was indicated by a sign on the wall. The reception was a huge hall, surrounded by windows overlooking a park. The sky was incredibly blue, the sun was high in the sky and people were walking, chatting, and laying on the grass. Back inside, against the windows, were couches and shelves full of magazines and books, there were a lot of plants and the room was bathed in sun light. Behind the counter, a young woman was reading a book. When she heard Harry, she looked up to him and smiled. “Hi honey, can I help you ?” she seemed genuinely nice. Harry tried to answer but his throat was sore and only a weak rattle came out so he whispered “pee…”. The woman seemed worried but showed him the way “just behind the blue door, there… Do you need help ?”. harry shook his head and walked painfully in the direction she had pointed. “hey honey ? what’s your name ?” he heard behind him but he didn’t answer. 

He opened to blue door. Behind, he found several sink and several toilet cabins. In front of a sink, a boy was rearranging his quiff, looking in a mirror. Something seemed strange in those bathrooms. Then, it hit harry. There was not one sharp corner and even the mirrors were protected by a plastic glass. “why ?” he managed to whisper, pointing the plastic glass with round angles. The boy looked at him, obviously annoyed to be interrupted during his hair styling. “You’re new right ?” harry nodded, brows frowning. “you’re in the suicidal area kiddo.” Seeing that Harry did not seem to understand, he added “ We’re not even allowed to have soap ‘cause we could use it as a poison.” The boy sneered, but Harry could tell he wasn’t amused at all. The boy looked at himself a last time in the mirror and walked to the door. He ruffled harry’s hair “well, see you later, Curly.” And he left. 

When he got out of the cabinet, Harry was still in shock of what the boy had said. He was in the suicidal area. In a hospital then. How did he arrived here ? Why didn’t his perfect plan work? What happened ? Then a detail hit him. “curly ?” He ran his finger in his hair. It was much longer than it had ever been. Since he had been 3, he had asked his mom to cut his hair the shorter possible, because long hair was annoying, you had to take care of it, wash it, cut it and most of all, harry did not care about his look, so short hair it had been. He looked at his reflexion in the mirror. His face was surrounded by brown curls. He didn’t even know he had curly hair before this day. “what the fuck…” he whispered. How long had he been here asleep ? - 


End file.
